When Your Heart & Mind Disagree About The Break-Up

You are sitting with your cell phone staring at a text message you wrote to your ex hours ago. You debate whether to send it or not. You stare at your phone while your mind tells you to have more respect for yourself. You logically understand that sending the message is not going to make the situation any better – nor will it heal your pain. Then your heart enters the scene and overpowers your mind. Your heart says, “Go ahead, send it, you will feel better…temporarily at least.”
The scenario above represents one example of a misalignment between your heart and your mind that is a common occurrence after a break up. Every decision you make is determined by a combination of your logic and emotion. If these different elements that make you who you are happen to conflict, you will understandably feel conflicted and make decisions that reflect this turmoil.
The concept of alignment will help you understand why you may have been in a relationship that was not good enough for you. It will also help you understand how to use your logic to help heal your broken heart. Let’s look at some more examples of what happens when your heart and mind disagree with one another.
Scenario 1 – During the Relationship
Your mind says, “I deserve more – this relationship is not right.”
Your heart says, “Stay, it will work out.”
If you were in a relationship where it was obvious that you were not receiving the love, respect, and engagement that you deserve, then your mind was probably nudging you during the relationship and asking you, “Why are we still here?” You remained in that relationship for longer than you should have because your heart believed that your mate and relationship could change.
Your heart believed that it was better to be in a relationship that was mediocre than to be alone. Your heart was saying to you, “Hey, give it a chance, it’s not that bad.” Your mind and heart were not aligned and this probably led to fighting, to an internal struggle, and eventually the break up. Often when we want more from a relationship than we are getting, we continually try to get ‘more’ by attempting to change the person we are with or by forcing other changes in the relationship. This is generally a destructive path.

Scenario 2 – During the Relationship
Your heart says, “This relationship is everything I need.”
Your mind says, “There are red flags here that I shouldn’t ignore.”
When one partner in a relationship is not happy, they usually provide indications either verbally, in the form of passive-aggressive behavior, or via non-verbal actions of their discontent. If you are the other partner that is madly in love, you do actually receive the red flags as signals in your mind. Unfortunately, your heart overpowers your logic in this case. Your heart speaks so loudly about how in love you are and how perfect everything is, that you drown out the messages your mind has received.
Eventually, after the break up, it is easier to see the red flags were present in your relationship. You also may realize that some of the reason you were deeply attached to your ex was because you loved the idea of being in love. If you relate to this scenario, remember, you deserve a love with equal give and take. Reciprocity is essential to the success of a relationship and you should never have to convince someone to love you as much as you love them.
Scenario 3 – After the Break Up

Your mind says, “I am going to be okay. In fact, before long, I’m going to feel like myself.”
Your heart says, “The pain is excruciating, I don’t think I will ever feel at peace again.”

After your break up, if you sit quietly and listen to your inner voice, you will hear hope inside. This hope is telling you that you will feel better, that you will live life once again with passion, and that you will experience love once again. The information you are being sent from your mind  is based on your history and the fact that you have overcome obstacles in the past. Your mind remembers the times where you have faced adversity and have come out on the other side stronger and brighter. Your heart is speaking out of fear; listen to your mind – it has a strong basis for giving you hope.
Listen to words from friends, family, and counselors even if they do not feel like they are helping to heal your broken heart. Every single word helps. Listen to every word someone with experience has to tell you. Up until now, we haven’t discussed the subconscious mind. Positive messages to your subconscious mind can overpower negative ones from your heart. Everything you are reading and listening to about healing is entering your subconscious and will help you heal faster.
Above I have discussed the logical mind being overpowered by a somewhat illogical heart. Please note, the situation can certainly occur in reverse. Your heart may experience genuine love yet have seeds of doubt planted by an insecure mind. In either situation, if you are looking to heal your heartache from your current break up, you can begin here and take the survey to see where your heart stands.

In Love and Heartbreak, Age Matters

For someone who writes about relationships, it is pretty risky to make the statement that age matters; however, I believe in speaking the truth. I also believe in voicing the concerns of the those that visit this site. From this vantage point and with respect to love and heartbreak, age definitely matters.

Here is the reason why: we each have a grand plan for our life based on age. It goes something like this:

•    In my teens, I’ll get into a good college or get a good job.
•    In my early twenties, my career will start to take off.
•    By my mid-twenties, I will meet the person of my dreams.
•    In my thirties, I will be married and have 2.2 beautiful children.
•    In my forties, I’ll be running the company for which I’ve been working.
•    In my fifties, I’ll reflect back on my life and my grown children and smile.
•    In my sixties, I’ll retire and travel the world.

Sound familiar? Give or take a few years and interchange a couple of details and these types of age confined dreams are quite universal. So what happens when things don’t go as expected? What happens when instead of two kids in our thirties, we end up with our heart in two pieces? We feel broken; not only is our heart shattered, so too is our self-perception.
It is critical to understand that the pain one feels after a break up is only partially due to the separation from our mate. What causes equal, if not greater agony, is dealing with our crushed dreams. Our dream to be a certain age and have accomplished certain things has been stolen. To overcome the challenge of heartbreak based on age related fears, we must face them head on.
Fear: I’m getting older and will be alone. So you are 35 or 45 or [insert your age] and you are alone. You are scared. This is natural. Many people have a fear of aging – period. Heck, the entire beauty industry thrives on our distaste for more age. When you mix the panic of being alone with an aversion of getting older, the combination results in a very potent fear.
Hope: On this website there are thousands of visitors (no exaggeration) in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and yes, 60s that are looking to get over an old love in order to find a new one. You are not alone. The times have changed and people are looking to be in a healthy, loving relationship. As such, there is no dearth of available men and women. After you have gone through the stepped process for recovery and you are ready, you will begin dating again. Regardless of your age or whether you have had it in the past, true love will find you.
Fear: I am damaged goods. Almost all of us have had experiences which have left us feeling less than perfect; however, they are experiences, not who you are. I have always been puzzled by the statement, “I am divorced.” If this is your situation, remember, it is not a I am statement, it is an I have gone thru statement. No one is fundamentally flawed – especially not those who work actively to heal their wounds.
Hope: Absorb the power provided by an example. Find someone around you who has triumphed over adversity in their life. Find someone who has been dealt an unexpected hand and turned it around to their benefit. Ask them to tell you their story. If you don’t see anyone that fits the bill in your immediate surroundings, pick up a Chicken Soup for the Soul book and read hundreds of inspiring stories. You will find that people do not become their bad experiences, rather they work through them and come out stronger. So will you.
Fear: This just was not supposed to happen to me at this age! This is a negative idea that races through the minds of many who endure a break up. The thought is rooted in the break from your grand life plan. Remember, you created that plan, but the universe has something better in store.
Hope: I have never, ever seen a case where someone who has embraced the changes in their life did not end up happier. You will too. Keep in mind that your past relationship(s) were not a waste of time. For many, they provided growth, sometimes beautiful children, and although it may not seem so, some good memories. Everything that has happened has made you who you are today and ahead awaits an even greater experience.
Remember: Please, please, please do not restrict your dreams. Your visions do not wish to be bound- especially to the confines of age. Paul Gaugin didn’t start painting til his mid-forties, Granda Moses in her seventies, Charles Darwin published his first book in his fifties, and Colonel Sanders founded KFC in his sixties. Age only matters if we allow it to matter. Dream bigger. Dream brighter. Set your dreams free today.

Break Up Quotes to Inspire & Get You Through the Day:

Love Lost: “Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night.” -Edna St. Vincent Millay
Dreams: “Keep your dreams alive and understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.” -Gale Devers
Hope: “Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.” -Dale Carnegie
Hope: “Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops… at all.”  -Emily Dickinson
Lost Love: “Wanting him is hard to forget, loving him is hard to regret, losing him is hard to accept, but even with all the hurt I’ve felt, letting go is the most painful yet.” -Unknown
Love: “Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it, everybody seeks it, but few ever achieve it, those who do will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all, never… never forget it.” -Curtis Judalet
Lost Love: “Love never dies a natural death….Love dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. Love dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. Love dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishing.” -A. Nin
Forgiveness: Forgiveness is the economy of the heart. Forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits. -Hannah More
Existence: “Everyday is a new opportunity to stand up and try again.” -Amelie Chance
State of Mind: “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” -Buddha
Have Purpose: “Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose – a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye.”  -Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley
If you are having negative thoughts about your break up, it’s a great idea to write some of these quotes on a post-it or small card and carry them with you. Reference your favorite quote to easy your heartache. You’ll find some of them are hopeful and others reflect a touch of melancholy…it’s ok to take solace in both.
Do you have favorite break up quotes or broken heart songs you would like to contribute? Leave a comment below.

When You Were Broken Heart..

How long will it be before you can get through your daily routine without feeling the wave of pain sweep over you, without sensing that knot in the pit of your stomach, and without dwelling on what went wrong? If these are some of the questions you are asking yourself, you are not alone.

A broken heart can cause such an intense reaction that you may feel your life has been completely stripped of meaning. Jobs, hobbies, and friends may no longer hold any joy. In fact, some of us even experience physical pain with a tight chest, nervous stomach, or terrible insomnia. “Time heals all wounds” is something we have all heard over the years, but do you really have to wait for time to heal these wounds? Absolutely not. There are steps you can take to alleviate the pain you feel. These steps were developed by people who have endured the pain of a difficult break-up and sought a better way to heal.
Whether you are 22 or 62, the first step is to determine from which type of broken heart you currently suffer. That’s right – there are actually 4 different types of broken hearts. Several factors determine the type of broken heart you may be enduring right now including your relationship history, the type of relationship and the reasons for the break-up, among others. Once you know where your heart stands, you will receive customized healing advice.
Okay, so where should you start? Start with the first healing step – the survey – to see where you stand. Get an instant, on screen evaluation. The survey contains 16-questions and can be completed in about 2 minutes. If you’re ready to see which of the 4 types of broken heart you suffer from, then let’s go.

Raisa - Apalah Arti Menunggu

Aerosmith - I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing

stevie wonder - i just called to say i love you

No New Year's Day to celebrate
No chocolate covered candy hearts to give away
No first of spring
No song to sing
In fact here's just another ordinary day

No April rain
No flowers bloom
No wedding Saturday within the month of June
But what it is, is something true
Made up of these three words that I must say to you

I just called to say I love you
I just called to say how much I care
I just called to say I love you
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart

No summer's high
No warm July
No harvest moon to light one tender August night
No autumn breeze
No falling leaves
Not even time for birds to fly to southern skies

No Libra sun
No Halloween
No giving thanks to all the Christmas joy you bring
But what it is, though old so new
To fill your heart like no three words could ever do

I just called to say I love you
I just called to say how much I care, I do
I just called to say I love you
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart

I just called to say I love you
I just called to say how much I care, I do
I just called to say I love you
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart, of my heart,
of my heart

I just called to say I love you
I just called to say how much I care, I do
I just called to say I love you
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart, of my heart,
baby of my heart

DARI HATI - Club 80's

andai engkau tahu
bila menjadi aku
sejuta rasa di hati
lama tlah ku pendam
tapi akan kucoba mengatakan
reff: ku ingin kau menjadi milikku
entah bagaimana caranya
lihatlah mataku untuk memintamu
ku ingin jalani bersamamu
coba dengan sepenuh hati
kuingin jujur apa adanya dari hati
kini yg kau tahu
aku menginginkanmu tapi takkan ku paksakan
dan ku pastikan
kau belahan hati bila milikku
repeat reff
   menarilah bersamaku dengan bintang-bintang
   sambutlah diriku untuk memelukmu
repeat reff

AKU HARUS MOVE ON

Ketika aku harus move on, aku akan lakukan itu. Aku tidak mau membuang sedikit waktuku untuk terus down. Ketika aku down, aku akan melihat ke atas dan ketika aku merasa diatas aku akan melihat kebawah :')

karena ku yakin hanya dia yang menutup pintunya.. masih banyak wanita lain yang mencintai kekuranganku, dimana ia menjadikanku kelebihannya.. ku telah lama tenggelam sampai ku korbankan harga diriku karena ku terlalu mencintainya.. karena ku tahu hidup punya banyak pilihan..  aku harus berpindah haluan.. beristirahat sekarang dan bertarung lagi nanti.. tertanda.. untuk yang disana, cincang cincang

Tips Meluluhkan Hati Cewek Jutek

Tips meluluhkan hati wanita
yang cuek?? berikut tips cara
meluluhkan hati para wanita yg
cuek. Tipe tipe wanita cuek atau
wanita suka marah mungkin
sedikit lebih perlu menguras
pikiran seperti halnya anda ingin
meluluhkan hati wanita yg
sedang marah. Jika
dibandingkan tipe cewek yg
gampang melayang layang ketika
diberi rayuan rayuan cinta, entah
itu berupa puisi,kata kata cinta,
kata kata romantis, ataupun puisi
cinta.
Tipe tipe cewek cuek atau wanita
yg cuek biasanya lebih suka
dengan cowok yg tidak suka
mengobral rayuan gombal
( bukan berarti tidak romantis )
tapi lebih suka pada cowok atau
pria yg stay cool , dan apa
adanya.
Disini anda harus pintar2 menata
diri ketika inginmeluluhkan hati
wanita cuwek atau mungkin hati
wanita yg sedang marah. Karena
tidak banyak pria yg berhasil
meluluhkan para wanita yg
sedang marah, atau para wanita
tipe cuek. Karena mungkin
mereka salah dalam memberikan
jurus rayuan kepada si cewek
cuek itu..hehehe tips tips
dibawah ini mungkin bisa
membantu anda dalam
meluluhkan hati wanita yg
cuek : :manja:
=========================
===========
Menghargai apa yang
dilakukannya
Walaupun wanita anda memiliki
sifat yg cuewk tetaplah anda
berusaha seolah2 dia
mendapatkan penghargaan dari
pasangannya. Perhatikan apa
yang dilakukannya dan
beritahukan kepadanya
mengenai keberhasilannya,
karena pasangan wanita
pastinya akan suka dan bahagia.
=========================
===========
Cintailah dia sebagaimana dirinya
yang sebenarnya
Seorang pria sebenarnya tidaklah
harus memiliki tubuh bagus
seperti atlet, wajah tampan
seperti bintang film, atau dompet
tebal seperti seorang bankir
untuk menjadi romantis. Dan
wanita pun tak perlu glamor
untuk mengginginkan
keromantisan. Ia tak perlu
menjadi dewi, atau ratu untuk
memeroleh hormat,
penghargaan, dan pujian. Ia
anggun sebagaimana dirinya.
Biarkan ia mengetahui itu,
doronglah kekuatannya,
rayakanlah keberhasilannya,
hargai dirinya dengan
sebenarnya
=========================
===========
Biasanya wanita yang cuek
mengginginkan Anda
menggangap dirinya
mengagumkan. Ia ingin Anda
menjelajahi dirinya seperti
sebuah negeri baru. Bahkan bila
Anda telah tidur disisinya selama
bertahun tahun, ada begitu
banyak hal dalam dirinya yang
tidak Anda ketahui. Buatlah
wanita pasangan Anda berani
menceritakan akan mimpi-
mimpinya, fantasinya,dan cita-
citanya.

Rasakan

Ku teteskan air mata ketika kau terima luruh cintaku dan dengan semua perbedaan dan keterbatasanku , kau seperti cahaya yang datang saat kegelapan tiba , menerangi jalan hidup dan membuka semangat yang hampir padam....Dalam ketulusan cintamu , aku berharap , kebahagiaan yang nyata dan tiada keletihan tak pernah berakhir...selamanya . menangislah.. karena hanya itu obat kepahitanmu.. menangislah.. karena itulah yang bisa mengingatmu betapa sakitnya hatimu.. menangislah.. dan berhentilah disaat ada kesempatan tu memulai hidup baru.. uno